春天的心碎特別讓人難受

 To Chris,

I thought that I could continue being friends after the end of our one month tryst, but I can't do it. I like you more than I originally thought. I was willing to put the time and effort into getting to know you and it hurts me that you don't feel the same way. 

I know it's partly my fault for causing you to hurt. I'm not proud of how I behaved. But I could assure you that I wouldn't make the same mistake. I try my hardest to be consistent and dedicated in how I behaved onwards.

The way I go quiet when I'm upset, if that bothers you then I could change it. But you didn't give me the chance to. You just ended things with me.

"I want to put my career first. I need to lock in until the end of the year and next year I'll be even busier as a manager. I can't prioritize you and it makes me feel bad. I don't want to make plans and cancel, I don't want to disappoint you. I keep taking stuff from you and not giving anything back. My feelings for you have peaked, they're not growing like how they're supposed to. I need to take care of my mom."

So many reasons to not want to be with me.

Ofc I want you to succeed in your career. You work hard. You know that I like your work ethic, your dedication, enthusiasm even when you're not feeling your best. I would never ask you to choose between me and your career.

Ofc I want you to visit your mom. I would never get in between you and her either.

I would never ask you to make me the number one priority in your life, I just wanted to be a part of it. 

Some say that one month is short, so what? Aren't you supposed to be invested from day one? Loyal from day one? Otherwise, when should a couple start invest, six month in? I was interested in you from the first day when I received a call to book a free session with a trainer. You were appointed as my trainer, or so I thought as I hadn't known your last name yet. When I said hi to you and you said there are actually two Chris, I was slightly disappointed. During my training with Chris, I noticed you stare at me and it got me more curious about you. Then the next time I went in, you yelled "hey!" to get my attention, then beckoned me to come and offered me a cup of hydration. I was actually feeling down at that time but that brief interaction with you lifted my spirit. I became more interested in you.

How did the relationship, or according to you: "we weren't in a relationship", felt so real yet disappeared so fast?

When I told you I like you more and more with each passing day, you said you felt the same. Was it a lie?